Part of your legacy planning process is deciding whether you want to leave more than money and property to your loved ones and, if so, the best ways to do that.
More and more people are interested in looking beyond finances to leave their heirs something meaningful and intangible. The Covid-19 pandemic seemed to accelerate the trend.
There are many options available.
You can pass on values, philosophy, family history, and other insights to your children and grandchildren. Some people simply want to make a final expression of love and gratitude to family members and perhaps to others.
The long-established tool for doing this has many names but is most often known as either an ethical will or a family love letter. You might see it referred to as a legacy letter, life letter, heart will, love will, or ending note.
Traditionally, it is one document or presentation addressed to multiple people, such as your entire family, but some people develop separate messages for specific individuals or different groups. Some people want their messages read or presented to everyone at a funeral or memorial service. I’ve seen several in the form of obituaries written by the deceased and published in local newspapers.
Though most people become interested in ethical wills as part of their estate plans and initially ask their estate planners about them, it really isn’t an official part of the estate plan. There won’t be a legal document that is binding or enforceable.
The ethical will springs from Jewish tradition, the Old Testament (Genesis Chapter 49; 1 Kings Chapter 2), and other Hebrew literature. It is meant to be instructional, philosophical, informative, uplifting, and sometimes humorous. Since it is a personal communication, the elements and tone are up to you.
Though the traditional format is a writing, usually a letter, you can use whatever format you want.
Technology opens up many possibilities. You can speak directly to loved ones in an audio or video recording, which is very easy today with smartphone and tablet computer technology. Though the traditional version involves the deceased directly addressing survivors, today with readily available technology you can create a slide show or a movie that seems to be a third-party presentation. Use whatever format you are comfortable with, or even multiple formats.
The presentation can be prepared by or with the help of a professional. There are professionals generally called “personal historians” who specialize in helping write and develop the communications.
If you prefer an audio or video format, you might work with a person or business that specializes in creating presentations in that format. Or you might be able to write it yourself and need only some assistance with the technology. Some people create an outline of their thoughts and simply talk to a camera or recording device.
Some ethical wills are simple and straightforward. They’re intended to encourage or remind loved ones of one or two things. A father might encourage his children to visit and call their mother regularly and look after her needs. Or a parent might explain why during life special attention was directed to the needs of one of the siblings and encourage the others to continue that practice. Some ethical wills encourage the children to continue in the parents’ faith or other practices and raise their children in the same way.
Some people cover more ground, such as personal or family history and philosophy and values. These versions can take significant time to prepare and polish until a satisfactory final product is developed.
Some people go online and read commencement addresses to stimulate thoughts and get an idea of formats.
On occasion an ethical will is part of the regular will and might even be integrated to the point that there isn’t a clear separation between the legally binding sections and the ethical will portions. Most estate planners discourage this approach, preferring to keep legal and personal matters separate.
Preparing an ethical will or a family love letter that reflects your personality and philosophy can be a good gift for your loved ones.
It gives you a chance at a little bit of immortality. You might be remembered for what is actually important to you instead of the random memories of others.
Research shows that people like stories and are more likely to learn and be persuaded by stories. Stories about your life or your ancestors’ lives are likely to give the next generations a better understanding of who you are and the values you want to pass on. Stories also give them a tool to pass the message to the generations after them.
For more information about how to pass on values, consider the book, “The Wealth of Wisdom,” by Tom McCullough and Keith Whitaker (Wiley; 2019)
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